


Bittersweet

by Sylencia



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Tumblr Prompt, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 08:49:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16909869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylencia/pseuds/Sylencia
Summary: Tobirama accepted his brother's idea of a blind date. Surely, it can't be that bad, right ?





	Bittersweet

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kaiyaru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaiyaru/gifts).



> Prompted on Tumblr by Kaiyaru
> 
> Don't be scared with the tags. It's all very light!

Tobirama couldn't believe he was doing this. Hell. He couldn't believe he had let his brother drag him into this idea without resistance. Well, he did resist. A little. But he had saved his brain from the headache it would have had triggered to argue with Hashirama. He valued his sanity and mental health way too much.

Blind dates were a ridiculous concept, though. One he never understood. Why would one want to be set up on a date with a stranger because acquaintances thought they would go along well ? Especially when said acquaintance was his own brother and knowing Hashirama, it could only go wrong. It wasn't that Hashirama's friends were .. well, like Hashirama. No, some of there were even quite decent. But the words Hashirama used to describe the man he was going to have dinner with were scary.

“He's so smart and creative and pretty !” Hashirama had beamed at him, joining his hands over his heart and batting his eyelashes in a ridiculous attempt to look cute. Maybe. Tobirama wasn't sure his brother didn't have a stroke that same moment. “I'd probably keep him for myself, had I not been engaged with Mito. I'm sure you'll love him.”

Tobirama doubted it and he did voice his thoughts but as any other arguments he had, it went way over Hashirama's head and his older sibling ignored it all. And, again, Tobirama valued his sanity too much.

Tonight was the night, though. Hashirama had organized it well and, thankfully, he had chosen a small, simple restaurant rather than something too fancy that would have made him uncomfortable. It wasn't that Tobirama didn't like people. Well. No, he didn't. But he didn't like crowded places even more and even a restaurant such that one would be annoying to him. But not too much because Hashirama chose it well for him, knowing his tastes. A good point for his brother. Probably the only one he'd receive tonight.

The hostess that welcomed him at the restaurant's entry smiled politely and asked for his reservation name. Tobirama stated his own, as Hashirama had told him he had booked the table with both his name and his date's to avoid confusions and the hostess' smile grew a little wider.

“Ah yes, the other person already arrived, a couple of minutes ago,” she informed him with a short nod. “Please, follow me.”

Her perfume was delicious, Tobirama couldn’t help but think as he was following her around tables, toward the far end of the restaurant, to a more intimate corner. Maybe he could give Hashirama another good point for that one, seeing how he had booked a table that fitted his preferences. Tobirama might even enjoy himself for a good dinner, in the end. Tobirama almost was convinced of it, for a second. That was until he saw who was sitting at the table the hostess stopped next to.

“I will send a waiter in a couple of minutes,” she smiled at them both, not looking as if she had noticed the rising tension. “Have a nice evening.”

Tobirama barely thanked her, unable to take his eyes away from the man sitting at the table, she left without another word and he closed his eyes for a second. Hashirama didn’t deserve any good point for this. He even deserved bad ones and he was going to have to work hard to make himself forgiven for this.

For it was Madara himself, sitting at the table, in his usual impeccable suit, his hair actually combed and tied up into a high ponytail tonight, dark eyes roaming over his form and a lazy smirk pulling at his lips. What did Tobirama do to deserve this ? Why would Hashirama even set him up on a blind date with Madara ?

“Is this a joke ?”

“That’s my line,” Tobirama was quick to answer the man, looking around, trying to find if there was any error or hint that Hashirama was pranking them both.

But there was nothing. He had given his name, for the reservation, the hostess had taken him to the right table, obviously, as it was the only one with two sitting spots and one empty for him and he clenched his hands into balls, he gritted his teeth.

He and Madara weren’t exactly on good terms. Which wasn’t exactly surprising. It was a long story, their relationship. It started years ago, when they were kids, really, when Hashirama and Madara became friends in kindergarten and Madara and Tobirama never exactly got along. Tobirama never knew why, nor how it started but there always had been some kind of rivalry between the two of them, some kind of “Fuck off, I’m better than you”, especially during their teenage years when Tobirama skipped two grades and ended up in Madara’s.

Everything became a competition. Not only school related subjects but .. everything. To the point where Tobirama became sick of it. For he knew it was stupid and useless and he did his best to ignore it all but he had to be better still. And he was better than Madara on many things. And Madara was better than him on many others. It was ridiculous, truly and the moment they both realized it, they became friends. Close friends. Then boyfriends.

Madara shared seven years of his life. From seventeen to twenty four, until their breakup.

Seven amazing years, Tobirama couldn’t deny it, he had loved Madara very much and he cherished him and the time they spent together a lot. They shared a flat, bought one together, even, the one Tobirama still lived in at the moment, four years later. He bought back Madara’s half after they broke up and paid for the entire loan himself. Which had been quite hard, seeing the amount of money it represented but the job he recently had been hired to helped. From being a laboratory assistant in that huge corporation, which barely allowed him to pay for anything other than rent and food, to becoming the head of the Research team in the independent lab that was created two year ago in the city.

Tobirama had been surprised when their executive director contacted him in particular, stating they had been searching to hire him since he published a paper about his current researches on molecular chemistry. He almost didn’t believe it at first. Then, he met said director, he was shown the lab he would work in, he was told that his researches would be paid for, for years to come and that he’d have little limits from them, that they wouldn’t restrict his fields of research either as long as he didn’t break the law. Tobirama got tempted with the speech. And he signed his contract the next week.

He regretted nothing. Not because of his paycheck, and his hours were quite crazy lately, it was even a wonder he had been able to leave work to come to that blind date. But he was having a lot of fun with his work. He always had been a man of science, after all. It made him happy, to be given such liberties and such means to soothe his thirst for knowledge.

Seeing Madara tonight, though, was bringing a lot of feelings back. For they might have broken up years ago, and for good reasons, but it didn’t mean his feelings faded the slightest. Which was stupid, Tobirama was absolutely aware of it, he was a rational man and such strong emotions were a bit of an idiotic thing to hold onto. But he still loved Madara deeply. He loved him like he never loved anyone else, and he did try, after their break up, finding another boyfriend and all the dating stuff but it didn’t turn exactly right. Hell, he never made it to the third date with most of these guys. He eventually gave up. He didn’t regret it, considering, he was better off on his own anywaysl.

Still, his feelings for Madara lingered, that whole time, at the back of his heart and he did avoid Madara’s presence for all that time, he only ever saw him again a couple of times for the flat, and all the paperwork they had to go through with so he could acquire it properly but that was all. And that had been around three and a half year ago. Oh, he knew how Hashirama still was best friend with Madara, and he didn’t care, his brother was free to befriend whoever he wanted and Hashirama did mention Madara to him a couple times but he stopped after Tobirama asked him to.

Why would he set them up on a blind date together, though ? Was this some kind of a cruel joke ?

“Are you ever going to sit, or would you rather run away ?”

Madara’s words brought Tobirama back to the present and he set his eyes on the man, a slight frown on the brow. Oh, here he was again, with that tone he had loved so much back then. The “Know it all”, arrogant tone that would give him goosebumps in the worst moments and he repressed a shiver, hoping to be discreet enough doing so.

“Did you know ?”

“That Hashirama planned to set us together on a blind date ?” Madara questioned with the tilt of his head, Tobirama nodded. “Absolutely not.”

Tobirama groaned in frustration, already planning to behead his brother for what he did. That was until Madara's attitude changed, until he relaxed his shoulder a little, until his smirk turned into a more genuine smile and he leaned forward a little.

“Let's have dinner, Tobi,” he said, his tone softer. “I would like to hear how you’re doing. I’ve asked Hashi not to speak about you and he did remarkably well.”

Tobirama wasn’t sure he should stay. He probably should turn around and leave but something strong was pushing him to stay, something he couldn’t resist and he sighed, as he pulled his chair and sat down. He didn’t allow Madara to speak just yet, though, interrupting him by searching for their waiter’s eyes and nodding at him to come in what he hoped was a polite enough gesture. The poor man had seemed to notice the tension and had kept away from them, waiting to see if he would indeed wait their table or not tonight. He was very polite when he handed them the menus and asked if they wanted to drink.

They both ordered strong alcohol. They probably were going to need it.

To say that having dinner with Madara was awkward was an understatement. It wasn’t just because of how silent they both were, because of how only the clicking of their cutlery could be heard and how they would barely look up at each other. But it seemed as if the whole restaurant was very much aware of their situation, as if they all knew what had happened between them and Tobirama hated it. He wasn’t even sure why he was willing to endure it all, seeing how Madara wasn’t talking, despite stating he wanted to know how he was doing and it was making him feel bitter. He should have left. It was a disaster.

“So,” Madara eventually whispered, as they were waiting for their dessert, which Tobirama wasn’t even sure he wanted but ordered anyways. “How have you been ?”

Tobirama scoffed. All the bitterness was sitting there, right on his tongue, growing stronger and stronger by the minute and he had been able to hold it back before but he couldn’t anymore. He was tired, physically and emotionally drained, so many thoughts swarming around his brain, mixed with just as many feelings he had tried to repress and Tobirama needed to let it all out. It wasn’t the right place, nor the right moment, but he did, still.

“Since you cheated on me, you mean ?” He questioned, looking up at the Uchiha and he saw the pain in Madara’s dark eyes, he saw how surprised he was with the change of tone and the words but he wasn’t sure he cared much.

They had this conversation dozens of times, four years ago. But four years weren’t long enough to make the feelings go away. Nor the bitterness, nor the pain.

“I never cheated on you,” Madara stated, in the same tone he used the many, many previous times he said these words, his face holding the same expression, the same hurt hue in the eyes and Tobirama scoffed again, looking away.

“I’m doing well, if you must know,” he said, ignoring Madara completely. “I have a new job, a great one. I’ve paid off the flat’s loan so it’s officially mine now. That’s how I’m doing.”

“And if Hashirama set that blind date up, it means you’re still single,” Madara breathed out, probably more for himself and Tobirama glared. That wasn’t exactly polite and he wanted to slap him but he didn’t. Because dessert arrived and he wanted to spare their poor waiter, who was doing an amazing job, considering the tension and Tobirama was sorry for him, to witness such a thing and he was going to make sure to tip him well.

He wasn’t hungry anymore, though. Tobirama did grab his spoon, leaning on his other hand despite how impolite it was to do so, he sighed but he didn’t eat his dessert. He couldn’t, his throat was too tight, there was a knot down his belly, and he was feeling like throwing up now. Why did he stay ? Why didn’t he run away ? Why did he accept coming in the first place ? He had wanted to save his sanity from Hashirama but seeing Madara again was worse than what he would have endured, had he refused his brother’s idea. So far worse.

Tobirama didn’t say a word, when he stood, grabbing his jacket and walking to the counter to pay for his part of the meal. He didn’t look at Madara, he ignored him, when Madara called his name several times in confusion, he did leave one good tip for their poor waiter and he walked out of the restaurant, heading for his car parked a few streets away in some underground parking lot.

He regretted staying. He regretted the whole evening. He wanted to go home now, to lock himself in his flat and not come out for days on a row. He’d call his boss in the morning, if he had to, he’d work on some paper from home if needed. But he wanted to be as far away from Madara as possible now.

He wanted to forget about him again.

“Tobi !” he heard, still, as well as quick steps following after him. “Tobi ! Oh for fuck’s sake, will you … Tobi !”

Tobirama didn’t stop, he was stubborn and tired and he didn’t want to stop but Madara eventually caught up with him, out of breath, his impeccable suit ruffled up and his cheeks red with the effort. He grabbed both his arms, to stop him, leaning all his weight against his so Tobirama wouldn’t move anymore indeed and Tobirama looked away.

“Will you ever listen ?” Madara groaned, his own frustration obvious in his tone. “I never cheated on you.”

“You were making out with that guy in the bathroom of our favorite bar,” Tobirama scoffed, rolling his eyes then narrowing them at Madara. “He had his hand on your cock and you fucking moaned.”

Holding back his grimace as the images were flashing through his mind wasn’t easy but Tobirama managed. It hurt, though. It hurt so much.

“I ..” Madara started but Tobirama interrupted him, huffing.

“Yeah, I know, he cornered you and jumped on you and you didn’t have the time to react,” Tobirama stated, knowing very well Madara’s answer as he heard it so many times before. “I’ve heard it before Madara. It doesn’t change a thing.”

“I fucking punched the guy!” Madara exclaimed, almost desperately despite his angry air. “I didn’t even notice you, it lasted a second and as soon as the shock has passed, I punched him so hard and left. But you were already gone.”

That too, Tobirama heard it before. But he couldn’t forgive him. For Madara didn’t only break his heart. He broke his trust as well. Because Madara was the first man he ever loved, and did he love him lots. His first boyfriend, the one that made him realize that he preferred guys, that he was gay to begin with. He was the person that claimed his first kiss and his many firsts after that, the one he told the words to for the first (and only) time. And even if he did push that guy away, even if he punched him, it broke it all, in Tobirama’s heart.

All that could be heard, for a very long time, was Madara’s hard panting, because of his running and how passionate he had been with his answer. Tobirama didn’t want to answer, there was nothing to say after all, all had been said already, they had this conversation many times before after all.

“Tobi,” Madara pleaded, not letting go of him and biting his lower lip. “Tobi, please.”

“Let go of me,” Tobirama whispered in a hard tone and he frowned until Madara pulled back. “I am leaving now.”

He took two steps away. Two wobbly steps and it hurt, it did but he had to. And it was as hard as it had been back then, to walk away from Madara, his feelings for him remained despite their break up four years ago, they never faded, he couldn’t let go but it was over. It truly was.

His legs almost gave up on him when Madara spoke again.

“Why do you think Hashi set up us for a date together ?” Madara asked him, and there was something in his tone, something very strong that made him regret not running away right away again. “He knows I still love you. I love you very much, Tobi, I will never stop loving you. I can’t .. I can’t stop loving you. And if Hashi set us up together for a date, it means you still love me as well.”

Tobirama scoffed. It was the truth and he didn’t want to hear it. But his brain currently had stopped working. Because Madara had told him he loved him more times in less than half a minute than he ever did during the seven years they were together. It made his throat tighten even more and he closed his eyes. It wasn’t fair. Not at all.

Madara touched his back with the tip of his fingers, as he wasn’t moving. Seeing how he wasn’t pulling away, nor flinching away from the touch, he wrapped his arms around his belly, carefully enough, as if waiting for him to push him away. If there was one thing Tobirama could ever give Madara, it was how respectful he always had been. He’d keep his hands for himself, would he show any hint of discomfort. But he didn’t. He shivered hard and Madara placed his head between his shoulder blades, he sighed.

“I know we can’t go back to where we stopped,” he mumbled, his voice half muffled against his back and his arms tightening around him as Tobirama wasn’t pulling away. “I know you’ll need time to trust me again. I know it all, Tobi. But .. But if you’re willing to give me a chance ..”

Tobirama closed his eyes. There was a war, inside his head, his brain fighting his heart, his rational mind fighting his feelings and he knew he should refuse, push Madara away and just leave. He knew it was the sane solution, that he would hurt again if he allowed this, if he gave Madara a chance. And it would hurt even more, did he happen to be wrong, if Madara ever did something like this again. Well, Tobirama always half believed that it never was Madara’s fault, that it was that guy’s and that breaking up with him had been a bit too harsh but he had felt so betrayed on the moment. Seeing his man in someone else’s arms, seeing him kiss another man, being touched by another man ..

But he nodded, eventually. And he placed his hand on Madara’s, entwining their fingers together when Madara kissed the space between his shoulder blades, thanking him in a muffled, cracking voice.

It probably was a mistake. A huge one. But it could also become his best mistake as well. The best in his entire life. One he wouldn’t regret.


End file.
